Story competition - the Sto Helit Team story

One night a lonely policeman was walking on his own down the silent street thinking about...

One night a solitary policeman was walking on his own down the silent street thinking about his warm bed at home, which was only 3 cold and lonely hours away. The streets in this part of the city were a lot safer now, and to save man power
Officers were allowed to patrol small parts on their own, as long as they reported in frequently.
It was on this certain evening, when the stars where peeking through the smog in the air over the city, that the event happened. It wasn't a special evening, the nights traders and guildsmen and women were going about their normal business in the city when a sudden and huge crash was heard coming from a dark and narrow side street.

He ran towards the noise, dreading what he might find. He pushed his way through a crowd of night traders and was faced with a very dead body. It was hard to tell much about him at first glance, except that it was a human male.
“You, Boy, run to the yard and fetch Sergeant Littlebottom. Tell her to come quick and bring her kit.” The officer watched as the boy ran away from the site. Wishing he could do the same. He waited for about five minutes making sure no one stole the poor mans boots. This was Ankh Morpork after all.
It didn’t take long for Sergeant Littlebottom to arrive, along with Captain Carrot (the man never slept).

Sergeant Littlebottom took some iconogaphs of the body and looked for anything that could be sent back to the family. She noticed his hand clamped shut.
“Captain take a look at this.” Slowly and with some effort she prised his fingers open sitting in the palm of his hand sat an intricately decorated Dwarf piece from a Thud set.

“Well that is certainly unusual. I’ll let the family know as soon as we find out who it is. You write your report and have it ready for me when I get back to the yard.” With that Captain Carrot turned and walked away. It never ceased to amaze Cherry that Carrot always knew who everyone was.

Back at the yard Commander Vimes was sitting at his desk. He had been home to read to young Sam and to have dinner, now he was starving. He had come back to the office to finish the paperwork well let blackberry do it anyway. Not that he had much anymore A. E. Pismal did most things and gave him the things he really needed to see.
Samuel Vimes sat back in his chair with his sandwich he had one every day, Sybil probably knew about it, but he wasn’t going to bring it, if she didn’t.
There was a knock at the door. Lord Vetinari didn’t wait for an invite to come in and entered the office just as Vimes was taking a bite of his BLT sandwich with as little L and T as possible without having to rethink the name.
“Ah Vimes I need to have a word. Good god man, don’t choke.” He watched with interest as Vimes when a few fetching shades of red and blue before he got enough breath back to offer him a seat, which he took. “I have come to report a crime.”

Vimes sat back and listened, as usual Vetinari didn’t say much, or rather didn’t say everything that there was to say. Vimes always got the impression that Vetinari enjoyed letting him work things out for himself.
“So let me get this straight, you invited a group of the best thud players from around the disc to have some sort of tournament. For the fun of it or some other reason your not sharing, but someone has stolen the first prize, which was an old thud set. And one of the players is missing. Have I missed anything?”
“That pretty much covers it, well now you and your fine men are on the case I’ll leave you too it” without another word Vetinari got up and walked to the door, as he opened it he looked back “I expect to be kept informed Vimes the tournament ends in 8 days, we must have the thud set back by then.”

Vimes walked into the police lab, where Cheery Littlebottom and Igor were waiting. "right, you two," he said "you told me you have news on the murder case".
"Yeth, thur"said igor, and guided vimes to a slab where a body was lying. "i have thuctheeded in reconthructing motht of the fathial area, and to identify the detheathed with the help of thome iconografth. thith, thur," he pointed his six-fingered hand to the corpse "ith mithter Thtanithlav Kolazi".
"beg pardon?", said vimes.
"Stanislav Kolazi, sir", explained Cheery "from Uberwald. on of a very small group of humans ever to obtain the rank of Thudmeister".
"so, he came here for that tournament Vetinari organized? damn. thatll cause a nasty row with Uberwald, and were not on friendly tones with them as it is." he stepped out into the corridor and yelled "CARROT!". after a brief moment the tall captain appeared "you requested to see me, sir?" he asked.
"Yes. go and find all the competitors in that thud tournament, and bring them here. no need to find the Kolazi fellow, hes already here".
"sir?" asked carrot.
"on a slab, captain", said vimes.
"sir". carrot turned and marched away.
vimes re-entered the lab. "anything else, cheery?" he asked.
"yes, sir," said the dwarf. "we think we manged to indertify the murder weapon. the head of the victim was severly smashed, and it looks like it was done by a large slab of stone".
"a troll's club?" asked vimes.
"no, sir. it was a flat one, and according to one of the bruises on the victims face, angled. we think it was octagonal, sir".
"are you telling me...?" started vimes.
"yes, sir. Thudmeister Stanislav Kolazi was murdered with the tournament's prize thud set".

Mrs Cake was making tea, the family were coming to pay her a surprise visit at the weekend and she had a lot to do. That was one of the benefits of precognition and being in touch with the psychic ebb and flow, she knew for example that she was going to have to fix the garden fence, the how was still a bit of a mystery, but if she knew everything there would be no fun in life. Mrs Cake sat in her garden looking the lawn, it was so much easier to keep no Ludmilla had left home, she drank her tea slowly and dunked her biscuit, then she stood up picked up her chair and put in the middle of the lawn and moved back against the wall.
The man crashed through the fence a few seconds latter a man crashed through the fence and tripped over the chair.
“Don’t use language like that in the company of a lady.” Mrs Cake said angrily.
“Bugger” said the man, and then gave Mrs Cake an odd look.
“I think you better apologize before I get angry.”
“I’ll say what I like you old hag”. The man was looking more and more confused.
“You’re not going to stop me talking to anyone young man. If you’re that concerned about the watch I suggest you keep running. But if you break anything else you’ll be in worse trouble than the watch.”
“If you tell the watch you’ve seen me I’ll be back.” The man had a look a panic about him now trying to replay the last few minutes back in his head so they made sense. After apparently deciding it wasn’t worth the effort he ran to the fence and with a quick look back over his shoulder at Mrs Cake he jumped carefully over, almost dropping his bag in the process.

Mrs Cake walked over to the fence and picked up a carved figure of a troll. She held it in her hand for a few seconds, then swore under her breath. Five minutes latter she was walking down her street with her bag on her arm and her hat.
She arrived at Pseudopolis yard and wiggled her finger in her ear to turn off her precognition. The desk sergeant had been warned about Mrs Cake they had a pictograph of her under the desk to warn the new starters to handle her with great care.
“I demand to see Commander Vimes, immediately.” Mrs Cake sat in one of the chairs.
“The desk sergeant said nothing but hurried of to get the commander; he reappeared soon after and motioned for Mrs Cake to follow him.

When Mrs Cake entered the office at the top of the stairs she saw Sam Vimes sitting behind the desk and Captain Carrot standing next to him. She sat down in the free chair without waiting to be asked, on the basis that they would have offered eventually and she wasn’t as young as she once was.
“Has someone lost a haunted thud set?”
What ever the two men have been expecting it was not that, they stared as the woman in pure disbelief she had come to recognise in those who had never had any contact with the other side. She put the small perfectly carved troll on the desk.
“He told me that I was to bring him to you. He’s heard a lot about you, having lived in Vetinari’s office for the last few weeks.” Mrs Cake sat back in her chair and waited for the questions to start, she knew they would, they always did.
“Mrs Cake I think you should start from the beginning. Carrot go get the dwarf peace we already have, and get some tea brought up. Then the five of us can have a nice chat.”

Carrot returned a few mintues later, after having to tip Nobby upside to retrieve the thud piece, and gave it to Mrs Cake.
"University. Hex." She said almost imediatly. Vimes glanced sideways at carrot and grunted, "bloody wizards" to no-one in particular.
Vimes sighed and stood up from behind his, "Ok then, i guess we better go and see the wizards then." he picked up his helmet and with everyone else in tail, trudged down the stairs to the front door and out into the ycrisp late-eveing air.
Vimes was surprised to see his carriage waiting outside for him to take them to the University, so in they climbed and were greeted by the plush and cussions that Cibil insisted on having.
The carriage pulled slowly away and trundled over the cobles to the huge metal gates of the Unseen University, the Discworld's premiere magic school, for wont of a better word.

As they walked through the gates, they came upon Modo the gardener, who was mowing the lawns. "Hey, you, munchkin," called Vimes, who was in a bad temper from having to deal with the occult "where do those wizards keep that thinking machine of theirs?" "Over there, sir" pointed Modo "in the High Energy Magic building".
At that, Nobby's face turned into the colour of dirty white "do we really 'ave to go there, sir?" he wailed "I 'ear they're doing some really horrible stuff in that HEM place". "Oh, don’t be such a coward, nobbs" said vimes "though I must say, Im not that happy with it either".
"May I ask what is your business here?" asked modo.
"We're here to see the wizards, because… because…" he glanced uncomfortably at Mrs Cake "we received information that there may be some evidence here". He turned and led the four of them to the HEM building.

Walking to the building, they heard an increasing noise of various thumps, clicks and a soft, odd patting sound. nobby made a whimper and tried to run away, but was held firmly by carrot and vimes. They reached the large door and vimes banged on it. It was opened by a young wizard, wearing a white coat. "yes, how may I help you?" he asked.
"Commander vimes, city watch," said vimes "these are captain ironfoundersson, corporal nobbs and mrs cake. We have received information that crucial evidence in a homicide case may be found here".
"Oh dear," said the wizard "come in, come in. im ponder stibbons, head of this department. How can I assist you?"
"well, we… what the hell is that?" cried vimes, noticing the machine that was making the noise. It was full of tubes containing ants, big levers and sheep skulls. As he was looking, a large hourglass on a string was dropped from the top of the thing and hung around the middle.
"that is the great and powerful hex. our thinking engine." Explained ponder, with a touch of pride "it can perform some really complex functions now".
"there it is, sir!" cried carrot, pointing at the side of the great machine "the rest of the thud set!". And there it was, in the middle of a complicated array of small levers. One dwarf and one troll were missing
"ah yes, the thud set. We found it on the floor this morning, and when we came back from lunch it was inside hex., the lads are denying they did it, but," he gave a little nervous laugh "I mean, its not like hex put it there itself, right?".
"you see, nobbs?" said vimes "This place isn’t so sinist…. nobby? Where are you?" nobby was on the other side of the hall, near a small curtain. He drew the curtain aside, revealing a very hairy young man. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain," said ponder "its just big mad Adrian. We discovered that if you send board coordinates to hex via the clacks, it moves the pieces according to what you tell it. We just have no idea why at the moment, so we're experimenting with it".
"well, im sorry, but you'll have to stop" said vimes, "this thud set is the evidence I was talking about. Mrs cake, do these pieces tell you anything?". Mrs cake approached the set, and shook her head "they're 'appy to be rioonited wi' their brothers, but they don’t know 'oo the killer is", she said.
"well, there's atleast one person that can tell you who did it. Well, not exactly a person. Why don’t we do the Rite of AshkEnte?" suggested ponder.
"we don’t do right-reading," said vimes "if you don’t know them already – tough luck".
"no, I meant a magical rite. To summon Death" said ponder.
"Are you MAD?!" squealed nobbs "summon DEATH?!"
"i just want to get back home" mumbled mrs cake.
"actually, its not such a bad idea," said vimes "you asked Death to help with a case once, didn’t you, carrot?"
"yes I did, sir" Agreed carrot.
"well then," said vimes "I hope this rite thing isn’t too magical".
"don’t worry, commander," said ponder "we will use the more practical version. I have been meaning to find out if the rumors about the fresh egg were correct, anyway. Lets do it!".

Ponder then turned to a few of the students in the HEM and said "Ok guys lets run program RASH, no mistakes this time, and also lock in the fresh egg algorithm, see if we dont gain any performance from it."
On his words the long haired and greasy studnets ran about getting various objects which looked like the result of an explosion in a kitchen supplies store. After a few hap hazzard minutes Ponder declared that HEX was ready.
He tapped few keys on the huge keyboard infront of HEX's mighty bulk and almost at once the hour glass popped down telling the wizzard it was working. After a few minutes of squeeking, whistling and the odd strange noise that VImes didn't even want to guess at the source, Death appeared. Attired in his usual black robes and cloak, but with a rather colourful ring of flowers around his neck, he had materialised in a small glass tube in the workings of HEX.
WELL THIS IS STRANGE said death. OH. YOU AGAIN, IM SURE I TOLD YOU THAT I WISHED TO HAVE NO PART IN THE DOINGS OF YOUR CITY WATCH. IT REALLY IS CHEATING YOU KNOW.
"well we have a bizzare predicament sir," said Vimes barging to the front to look at the tiny death in the tubes the ants normally occupied, of which were walking throught him as if he wasn't there.
WELL YOU COULD OF DONE THE RITE ELSEWHERE. ITS A BIT CRAMPED IN HERE. AND I AM TECHNICALLY ON A SMALL HOLIDAY YOU KNOW.
"sorry, bit it is a bit urgent" Insisted Vimes.
VERY WELL, BUT BE QUICK, THE KARAOKE IS ABOUT TO START.
"ok, we have these two pieces of thud set, and with the help of Mrs cake here" (at which point Death gave a nervous glance at the small rotund woman) " have mangaed to find the rest of the board here at the university. We also have men dead because of this situation and we are hoping if you knew about any..erm..disturbances..of late?"

Vimes banged hard on the wooden door "this is the city watch" he shouted "come out with your hands up, and perhaps we wont harm you". Since no answer came in the following 10 seconds, vimes nodded to sergeant Detritus, who was standing behind him. The large troll officer came forward, and thumped the door with his fist, hard. It tore from its hinges and crashed inside the small room, hitting the tall blond man inside who was trying to escape through the window.
"Vladimir Rimkorski, you are arrested for the murder of Thudmeister Stanislav Kolazi, the theft of the patrician's thud board and conspiring to advocate war between Ankh-morpork and Uberwald. Sergeant, cuff him". As detritus bound the man's hands, vimes snarled "so, you though you'd create a casus beli for uberwald against us by killing an uberwaldian competitor and making it look like we did it by using property of the patrician? Not on my watch, pal".

********

Vetinary looked up from the retrieved stone thud set and steepled his fingers. "Excellent work, commander. Not only did you find the killer and the thud board, but also prevented a much unwanted squabble between us and Uberwald. Bravo."
"Thank you, sir" said vimes, staring at his preferred spot on the wall behind the patrician.
"I hear you used some… extraordinary allys in this case. I trust mrs cake mentioned that the board is haunted".
"Never noticed anything paranormal about it, sir" said vimes, his face totally expressionless.
"Indeed. It is a quite fascinating tale, as a matter of fact. This marvelous artifact was fashioned hundreds of years ago, by a group of dwarf and troll thudmeisters, as part of a peace initiative which, sadly, failed. It goes that the craftsmen loved the game so much, that they embedded their souls in the game pieces, so they will be able to keep playing forever. A lovely tale, isn’t it, commander?"
"Yes, sir" said Vimes, giving the wall a comprehensive examination.
"The tournament will continue as planned, and we will dedicate it to the memory of the late Kolazi. Was there anything else you wanted, commander?"
"no, sir".
"very well, then. Don’t let me detain you".